Second Acts that Change Lives

The reshaping of your life can be something as simple as signing up for a knitting class, or joining a book club, going on Sunday morning bike rides, or trying a new hairstyle.

Suddenly one day you decide to put all the “I can’t do it’s” to rest, knowing that your life will be more interesting if you did it than if you didn’t ever try. It’s never too late.

All of us have found ourselves citing reasons  — “I don’t have time,” “It’s too hard,” “I’m too old” —  not to take up something we’ve always wanted to do. In this chapter we shine the spotlight on those who have hushed those inner voices, tried something new, and never looked back. What they also found was that their personal transformations changed the lives of many others. They spun their passions into saving themselves, and in the long run, made the world a better place for those around them.

In reshaping their lives, they started by taking small risks. And most of them will admit they were scared. They didn’t know where to turn. As Henry David Thoreau reminds us, “Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.”

If you want to find what’s missing in your life, the best place to start is just to begin.

Finding the Greatest Love of All

Marianne Abdoo turned heartbreak into happiness and a heartwarming tale of love after loss. Coming to motherhood late, this librarian and mom is embracing her new role gracefully and gratefully.

former elementary and high school classmate at international folk-dancing classes. The duo became inseparable. “I had not really had a true soul mate in my life,” she says. Until Greg Abdoo. They married, set up housekeeping, and began plotting to have a family. The storyline changed when just months later, Greg was killed in an automobile accident while training for long-distance races on his bicycle.

Tragedy entered Marianne’s life in the eerily quick way new love had just been ushered in.

“We got along so well, never any conflicts, true respect for each other,” says Marianne. “We built each other up too. Greg used to tell me I was so strong. I couldn’t believe it. It was very hard for me when he died, just when I had met my guide through life.”

The Epiphany of Change

It was after Greg’s death that she began to look at her own life differently. Having fallen in love and experienced romance with Greg gave the former teacher turned librarian the courage to pursue a long-held yearning for motherhood.

“It was through Greg that I got my courage to move on and do something with my life. I have a good job as a librarian in a well-to-do community; have been blessed with wonderful parents and siblings and a husband who made me believe in myself. Yet I wanted more out of life. I am a former teacher and wanted my own children if it was meant to be. I grew up in a large family and know the benefits, so I wanted to share that with some children who otherwise

The Liftoff

Marianne remembers the night she got the call that two children  —  a five-year-old girl and her two-year-old brother from Siberia who had been abandoned by their parents  —  had recently been declined by a pair of adoptive parents. She was told the children did not speak English. Marianne didn’t know a word of Russian. Moments later, the little boy and his sister’s pictures popped up in her e-mail in-box. “Are you interested?”

Marianne, then fifty-two, had fantasized about being a mother ever since she was a little girl growing up in Detroit, the second oldest of six brothers and sisters.

“It was just chance that two young siblings became available so quickly. I have heard stories of people waiting years for their adopted children, and many horror stories of going to get them in their native land and then being denied. I was very fortunate.”

She hopped on a plane to Siberia.

“I feel it was meant for me to get these two children,” says Marianne.

But she did not get her hopes set on them right away. “I knew that if they had any severe physical, mental, or psychological handicaps, I could not take them. It would not be fair to them. I did not have the time or resources to give to children with those problems.”

For several days, she observed the children in their native Siberia. The only way the trio could communicate was

The View from the Other Side

Marianne concedes there were some family dynamics to work out.

“I have learned so much about children who have been deprived of love and care since birth, and this has made me even more appreciative of my good fortune in having a wonderful family and supportive friends,” says Marianne. “Although I do not have a vast income, I appreciate my job and the ‘wealth’ it affords me, compared to the future these children would have had. And I have the pleasure and love of two children who enrich my life daily, despite the challenges and worries about being a good mother to them. I have met many people interested in adoption and have turned them toward further investigation.”

These days, Marianne’s days are precious  —  and very busy. She misses Greg very much, but says she is grateful that in the short time they were together, he opened her heart and gave her the confidence to pursue motherhood. Both children are very outgoing and filled with energy that keeps them going nonstop. And, Marianne is at their side, reading books, going for hikes, ice skating, sledding, swimming, and taking treks to museums and parks. Like many suburban American boys, Kuzma loves to try his hand at all things sports. His current roster includes basketball and hockey  —  a trip to Lake Placid gave birth to his most recent dream to play hockey when he grows up  —  and he’s signed up for baseball. “He’s very curious and constantly

on a daily basis. We don’t have time to relax and enjoy each other in the evenings all week, and I can’t go to many school activities during the day.”

But the rewards are tremendous.

“My life now is very busy, more stressful than the single life, but more fulfilling,” says Marianne. “Every minute outside work is spent in caring for and nurturing these children, trying to make up for the love they missed as infants. They still have so much to learn about life  —  beyond just physical comforts. But I have seen such progress. I have high hopes for their success in the future.”

It took Marianne five decades to make her dream of being a mom come true. But these days, she feels as though she has found her calling and is celebrating the everyday moments of parenting.

The caring goes both ways. Recently Kuzma was kissing her goodnight, when out of the blue he said, “Thanks for picking me out in Russia.”

“Anastasia constantly watches me to see what I need,” says Marianne. “They both are very thoughtful in their own little ways, running to get me Kleenex when we are watching a sad movie, or setting the breakfast table as a surprise.”

Words to Inspire

“I was lucky to get two wonderful children. I know it is a gamble and my life will never be peaceful and calm like it once was. But I consider life an adventure now. Those children appreciate all the small things of life  —  and that is passed on to me. When I consider what their lives would

New Script

“I dreamed of creating a community, launching a blog and then a book, centered on finding grace in the everyday, in the midst of our homes.”

Life before the Leap

For more than a quarter of a century, Barbara has been a newspaper reporter, telling other people’s stories. Before that, she was a pediatric oncology nurse who aspired to someday open an inner-city clinic and take care of women and children.

But as the self-proclaimed “chair lady” describes so poignantly in the insightful meanderings on www.pullupachair.org: “A sad thing happened on my way to nursing school in Boston. My dad died. At his funeral the priest read a letter I had written to my Papa the Christmas right before he died. Someone who was there  —  a bigwig at the Chicago ad agency where my dad had spent nearly two decades  —  took me to lunch two weeks later and said, “Kid, you can write. Have you ever thought of journalism?” I walked home from that lunch, and here, twenty-six years later, I have a master’s in journalism from Northwestern, a quarter century at the Tribune, a husband and two kids, all thanks to that lunch.”

A writing star was born. Still today, Barbara loves her Tribune writing. And in the same way she once brought compassion to the bedsides of children and their families, Barbara nurtures her Tribune readers with her natural ability to get at what really matters in a story: the crucial capacity, the human heart.

able. Friends wrote back and the conversations started buzzing. Today there are about a hundred readers on any given day at www.pullupachair.org, and she’s counted 20,000 unique visitors.

The View from the Other Side

“I found that by telling my own stories or those of the world right around me  —  my children, my family  —  I was able to tap into a level of meaning that lasted,” says Barbara. “It held meaning for me, gave meaning to my life, and I had an ink-ling that others might find meaning in the same things.

“I am quite happy to think that many people take the time to make it a part of their every day,” says Barbara. “I loved early on when those who comment on the blog realized that I was looking for them to share their stories, their beautiful writing and ideas. It became a conversation then, a spiraling up each day. I started it, but the layers of comments and thought took it soaring to new heights, and to nooks and crannies I’d not gotten to.”

What’s most exciting is that her community has formed its own hub. Fourteen of her most regular readers who share their comments frequently gathered in the winter of 2007 in Barbara’s kitchen to meet face to face. One even flew in from Arizona. The “breakfast” gathering began at 10 a.m., and the last visitors walked out the door at 5:30 p.m.

Following Your Passions

In an entry in honor of Martin Luther King Day 2008, Barbara reminds us all that it is never too late to pursue our

great winds where change begins. Don’t think long term and outcome, just keep taking one solid step after the other, and when you look back you will see how far you’ve traveled.”

Making a Difference Every Day

Crisis and chaos can be key moments of transition. The restless stirrings of unfulfilled dreams that often hit us at mid-life, as yucky and sad as they may seem, can often serve the unique purpose of reawakening early dreams and passions. If we are paying attention, these times of transition, upheaval, and sometimes great loss, however painful and difficult, can have a profound way of forcing us to move and grow.

As Marianne shows us in this chapter, we need to let go and take risks to find our true strengths. The more intense the yearning in our lives, the more brave we need to be.

Marianne also reminds us of the gift that comes when we dare to risk.

“Vision,” according to English writer Jonathan Swift, “is the art of seeing things invisible.” This gift belongs to those who can see the good hidden away in the kernels of setbacks, suffering, and pain. It resides in those who never give up hope.

Here are five tips to help us find the courage to embrace the future: