Second Acts that Change Lives

Making a Difference in the World

by Mary Beth Sammons (more about this book and author)

Chapter 7: Find Your Personal Best
106

Ask yourself, What am I capable of?

Pursue things you really love doing, and do them so well that other people can’t take their eyes off of you.

— Maya Angelou

No question, it is important to find a passion and chase it. Whether you bake bread, paint murals, or aspire to cycle like Lance Armstrong, you’ll redefine yourself in your own eyes. When you’re on a mission because you have the courage to act on what you value, you are in your zone. You know it. Others know it.

If you are truly serious about second act reinvention, nothing and no one will stop you from doing what you love. It might take small steps: teaching a spin class at the YMCA at 5 a.m. before your 9-to-5 job; writing the book on weekends; or volunteering at the food kitchen after hours. And when you do what you love, people will notice. It’s contagious. “You’ve got to find what you love,” says Steve Jobs, founder of Apple.
107

In this chapter, these second act reinventors underscore the fact that if we pursue what we love, we can’t lose.

Making a Splash

Lawyer dives back into his first love  —  the water.

A calling is a sense that your very being is implicated in what you do. You feel that you fit into the scheme of things when you do this particular work. You have a sense of purpose and connection in the work. It defines you and gives you an essential tranquility. Toward the end of your life you may see all the jobs you have done as fateful, composing your life work and answering your calling.

— Thomas Moore

In the rising world of triathlons, athletes bunch together tightly in open water, forming a pack and elbow-throwing and splashing toward the finish line. Then, they climb onto dry land, strip off their goggles, wet suits, and bathing caps, don helmets, hop on cycles, sprint again, hop off, and then run to the final finish.

Triathlons have been called much more than a sport in motion; they’re a metaphor for all the little and big things that matter to a person who’s reaching for new goals.
108

For many, like Drew Surinsky, they symbolize what it takes to jump into your second act and swim, run, and cycle in a new race for yourself, for your new life.

Drew Surinsky, 43, St. Louis, Missouri; Boulder, Colorado; and Evanston, Illinois

Act I: Attorney (assistant public defender).

Act II: Exercise physiologist, strength and conditioning coach, triathlon coach, and swim coach.

Life before the Leap

Guys like Drew of Evanston, Illinois, can attest that triathlons can be a personal reminder that tackling a new goal in life can be just as terrifying as plunging into open water and often means starting from scratch  —  but that nothing feels better than crushing a new learning curve.

That’s what happened when the then-thirty-five-year-old St. Louis native decided to shed his three-piece pinstripe and pursue his dream to help people become stronger. His real passion was swimming and coaching in the pool.

Prior to graduating with a law degree from the University of Illinois, then working as an assistant public defender and research and contract attorney, Drew had always worked in aquatics and fitness. In high school and college, he could swim faster than most people ever hope to.

But, as he grew more mature, it was time to pick what he thought he had to pick  —  an “adult” profession  —  and he majored in philosophy and choose law because it was s
109
omething he had to prove he could do. And as a public defender, he felt that he could help a few people.

“I couldn’t stand being a lawyer,” says Drew. “I left work every day feeling awful, and it got progressively worse and began taking a toll on my health and mood.”

Standing on the Edge

To cope, he swam.

“After every workout, I’d remember how it didn’t feel awful after leaving work at the pool, and I’d say to myself, ‘God, I wish I still worked at the pool.’ I kept thinking I wanted to make a living by helping people to become physically stronger. It’s a bonus that I can do it in the water.”

Struggling to reenergize himself every day, he decided not just to dream about a career training others to be fit. Instead, he chose to train himself to end “my suffering and undue misery.”

The Epiphany of Change

To inspire himself, Drew turned to another one of his passions  —  drumming  —  for a motivational boost. For him, the role model was Max Weinberg (drummer with Bruce Springsteen and currently the drummer and bandleader on The Conan O’Brien Show).

“I had read an interview where Max was talking about the years in the early ’90s, when Bruce broke the band up for a while,” says Drew. “Max was getting depressed and wasn’t sure what to do with himself. He tried law school for a while, but he didn’t like it, and he was starting to lose some of his
110
drumming chops. He decided that he needed to drum more, so he just started practicing a lot, even though he didn’t have any great prospects at the time. He had this Field of Dreams mentality in which he decided that ‘if you drum it, they will come.’ Of course, Max Weinberg is now more successful than ever, and that leap of faith that he took is a source of cautious inspiration for me.”

Drew discovered that the steps to change would not happen overnight, but rather were a “gradual process,” one that took place over the course of ten years.

The Liftoff

At the time, he and his wife, Anne, had just moved to Boulder, Colorado. He seized the opportunity to practice law only part-time as a researcher and started his own business, opening a flotation tank center, working several jobs at local pools, including a hospital therapy pool.

“Our four years out there gave me time to decompress as well as to see that there are ‘adult’ careers in fitness and wellness,” recalls Drew.

When the couple returned to the Chicago area, Drew was planning on becoming a physical therapist. He says, “I ended up becoming an exercise physiologist and coach, but more important is by the time we were back in Chicago, I was convinced that there were livings to be made in a field I didn’t hate.”

Drew went back to school, earning a Master of Science degree in exercise science and certifications as a coach and personal trainer.
111

“It happened fairly organically,” says Drew. “I talked to friends of friends who were doing related things in health fields to get a sense of what I thought I wanted to do. I knew it was going to start with becoming a personal trainer and then with school. I studied for a few months for the personal trainer certification and found fairly healthy demand. From there, I continued personal training while making up undergraduate prerequisites and then getting the master’s in exercise science. I also got other certifications such as triathlon coach and swim coach.”

The View from the Other Side

These days, Drew competes in his own triathlons. He says, “I started doing triathlons in 1987, and it was a good fit for me from the beginning. I’ve done seventy-something races at distances from sprint to half-Ironman, and I have even won a few small-time ones.” He also coaches both private and group sessions at several Chicago-area facilities and training programs. Since becoming a certified triathlon coach in 2000, Drew has coached hundreds of athletes, ranging from children to seniors and from beginner to elite athletes.

His typical day might start with a few private sessions, meeting his wife Anne for a midday workout, then heading out again to coach a group workout and more private sessions. He also spends many weekends leading swim technique clinics for competitive triathletes and beginner workshops for the aqua-anxious, spending five hours on a Saturday afternoon coaching reluctant triathletes to take the plunge and get in the pool.
112

Other than Anne, Drew says what he loves most about his second act is “that I have a career that matches my temperament and talents. I have a lot of independence and flexibility. My job is largely about the relationships my clients and I forge with each other and the intellectual, creative, and emotional effort that I contribute. Unlike being a lawyer, I’m working largely with clients who are happy to see me.”

Finding Joy in Helping Others Meet Their Fears and Pursue Their Dreams

What makes it the most rewarding, Drew says, is the true joy he finds in help people overcome barriers and accomplish goals that are deeply meaningful to them. “The neat thing is that by hiring me to help them, they’re also helping me do the same,” he adds.

His advice for others looking for a second act? “Explore, pure and simple.”

Eventually what pushed Drew to take the risk was convincing himself that he could make a living in fitness. And, he says the support of his wife Anne convinced him that he could do it.

Words to Inspire

“Staying healthy and gradually feeling good about the idea that it’s OK to not be a lawyer, was a great moment. It’s also been nice to be able to gradually ‘trust the world’ more that there will be people willing to pay for what I provide.”
113

Taking the Ride of a Lifetime

Sixty-five-year-old colon cancer survivor from Barrington, Illinois, rides his bicycle 6,500 miles across America to help find cures for cancer and ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease) and to help promote awareness for hospice care.

To travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive.

— Robert Louis Stevenson

Many second act reinventors use their birthdays as markers. When Bob Lee was turning sixty-five, he celebrated his milestone by riding his bike across the country and raising $130,065 each for three causes: the Les Turner ALS Foundation, the American Cancer Society, and the National Hospice Foundation for Public Awareness. In 2008, he was named the recipient of the Les Turner ALS Foundation’s Hope through Caring Award. He’d dreamed about riding his bicycle across the country, but he’d spent most of his life in a three-piece suit at the helm of a boardroom.

Bob Lee, 65, Barrington, Illinois

Act I: Father of two grown children; grandfather of six; president of Eastern Standard Corporation, and career-long senior corporate manager.

Act II: Philanthropic sojourner and fund-raiser.
114

New Script

“I wanted my challenge to be riding solo, to see if I could motivate myself to do that,” says Bob, who had made a similar cross-country trek once before, raising funds for charities as well. “But I quickly discovered that I was sharing the journey the whole way along the way. I met thousands of people along the ride, and each of them had a story that inspired me to reflect on many things and on how I was using my life.”

Ask Bob, a colon cancer survivor, if age or illness are excuses to slow down, and he’ll whip out a photo album and direct you to a Web site filled with his experiences and the people he met along the way. His journey will leave you huffing and puffing to find a way to inject purpose and meaning into your own daily living. He calls his ride a metaphor for his personal journey from success to significance.

Life before the Leap

Twenty years earlier, at age forty-five, Bob started getting the itch to do something, anything, beyond his corporate life. That’s when he started incorporating physical challenges. He started with 10K races and triathlons and pursued his interests in photography and gardening. He started thinking about redirecting his career path away from the boardroom and toward “a purpose-driven life.”

The Epiphany of Change

His epiphany moment to reach out was inspired by a former neighbor who had ALS and by reading Tuesdays with Morrie
115
by Mitch Albom. “I decided to give back through a fundraiser to find a cure for Lou Gehrig’s disease and raise awareness for hospice.”

Standing on the Edge

While Bob never had a million-dollar nest egg to finance his second half, he says he managed money well so that he would be able to pursue his passions, and more important, take what he loved doing  —  cycling  —  and find a way to pursue significance with that without “causing my family to starve.”

“I always knew I wouldn’t be able to live off my retirement, so I made sure I set money aside in savings,” says Bob. “As I approached retirement, I had this hollow feeling. ‘What am I going to do that makes a difference?’ Retirement clearly wasn’t for me. I had enjoyed success and wanted significance.”

The Liftoff

Bob developed a plan. He decided he would retire at fifty-eight and started making a list of everything he wanted to do. “I had no idea where I was heading,” he recalls. “What I did know was that I had gotten myself pretty fit physically, loved that feeling of athletic challenge, and I’d always dreamed of getting in an RV and traveling the back roads.”

All the pieces of the puzzle seemed to fit: Why not ride his bike across the country and do it for the causes he wanted to commit his energy to? Appropriately he dubbed it “A Ride for 3 Reasons.” He would raise money for ALS, hospice, and cancer, having been a survivor himself.
116

“It was perfect because I got a lot out of the biking  —  the solitude and yet meeting wonderful people along the way  —  but I also got great satisfaction in knowing I’m helping people who suffer from horrible diseases.”

Dubbed by some as Bob “Gandhi” Lee, the guy is unstoppable. He hopped on his bike on March 29, 2007, in Jacksonville, Florida, and didn’t stop until September 6, 2007, when he reached Bangor, Maine. Along the way, he stopped at Ground Zero in New York City, the Pentagon, Superstition Mountain in Scottsdale, Arizona, and the Gateway Arch in St. Louis.

The View from the Other Side

“I got to see everything I’d dreamed about seeing,” says Bob. “Most important, I realized that aging doesn’t have to be about facing a void. Actually, all you need to do is examine what you really love to do, do it, and somehow something spectacular will open up for you. I realized that if I didn’t become roadkill on this trip, I would be doing something pretty significant.”

Bob’s motivation to keep on pedaling uphill is the people he’s met along the way. One in particular is Aimee, a thirty-eight-year-old mom of three young children, who has ALS.

“On a tough day when my stamina was taxed, I thought of Aimee, and then I would go back and look at what I am doing with my life, and how lucky I am to have made it to forty and beyond,” says Bob. “We need to start looking at forty as a marker to say, ‘Wow, there is so much more I can do with the rest of my life. What will that be?’”
117

Bob is a living billboard for doing good. To those who know him, he is the doorway that leads into the world where it always feels good when you are doing good.

Words to Inspire

“My hope is that along the way people saw what I was doing and see that there is something they can do to help others back home in their communities.”

Making a Difference Every Day

You’re now at the point where you have made a profound commitment to your reinvention. When there is no turning back, it is time to concern ourselves only with moving ahead. But how do we silence the negative voices on the sidelines? Where do we find patience and persistence when there will always be solid reasons not to move ahead? It’s time to start uncovering what the world wants of you, and the tools for finding the courage to say “yes” to your new life. One strategy that works is to conduct a personal assessment of your life so that you can push your personal best into your new future. Here are five questions to ask yourself:

1. What are the roles you currently play and what do you do really well? What is missing?

2. What are the parts of your personality that have disappeared or been put on hold?

3. What used to make you feel passionate? For Drew it was swimming.
118

4. How would you feel if you could do those things again?

5. How can you bring your personal best, your passions into your life again?

From Tuesdays with Morrie

On Getting Meaning into Life

“So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they’re busy doing things they think are important. This is because they’re chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.”

On Aging

“Aging is not just decay. . . . It’s growth.”
“If you’re always battling against getting older, you’re always going to be unhappy, because it will happen anyhow.”
“You have to find what’s good and true and beautiful in your life as it is now. Looking back makes you competitive. And, age is not a competitive issue.”

About Libertary | Contact Us | Privacy Policy | FAQ © 2010 Libertary